We are here again, but not on a pleasure trip. M’s mum is very ill, and it looks like she is at the end of her life. The nursing home had in the acute care team to see her and treat her, but in reality, this team is usually the end of life care team, just different words to describe them. It turns out that his mum has had a cardiac event in the past week or so, undetected by the home, water on the brain, and on top of her increased dementia and lack of eating or drinking for the past two weeks, it is only time before he will have to say goodbye to her.
One of the many problems is the home and their constant changing of the rules with regards to M, his siblings and his dad have been told they cannot see her, yet his sister could see her the other week, although through a window and having to sue PPE, which was ridiculous as the window was not open and the head said she could look through the window for 5 minutes and had a stopwatch going and after 5 minutes told her to go. This week his dad and brother were able to go into the home and sit with her for an hour. Next day, no one was allowed to go in, followed by the following day (yesterday) his dad was told he could see her for half an hour, but no one else can, and the same today, with the explicit instructions that he as to call first to arrange an appointment. M spoke to the head and was told that although he has only come from England and is within the safe-zone for travel she would not allow him to visit with his dad so he could say his goodbyes to her as she could go anytime. She knows we are staying with his dad, have had COVID-19 test and are clear, and his dad is part of our “bubble”, but no, she will not let him. I think this is really bad behaviour from the home. His brother is a painter and decorator and is in lots of peoples homes and was able to go in and see her, but M, who has not been out much at all cannot. His sister has come from LA and is also not allowed to see her, and they have both been told, not even through the window.
The woman is at the end of her life and the home have been given morphine and other things from the acute team to help her in her last days, but again, they said no, knowing that she could pass away any moment. There has not been any COVID-19 in the home or anywhere close, everyone here is clear but she keeps coming up with more excuses. The home has said things about the situation that we have checked with government guidelines and have found that they are wrong, but, due to what’s going on we have to tread carefully as they will stop all contact and that will be the end of that. It is criminal really that they are making it up as they go along.
Every one of us is sitting here waiting to find out what’s going on, but the home is keeping quiet and bullshitting us all. It has been suggested that her cardiac events that were not noted by the home could be considered negligence as they know her history as she has had three heart attacks prior to being there, also adding on to the fact they had not done anything about her not eating or drinking for close to a week.
This is Jack, he is M’s dad’s dog, a Roan Blue Cocker Spaniel. He is 7 months old and has become my shadow as I am constantly playing with him and his toys. His is very placid and playful but is mouthing quite a lot and when excited he clamps down quite hard, but all in all, he is adorable, and I would like to bring him home with us.
M and his sister do not get on, long story, and not for here as it is not my story to tell. Yesterday when we arrived M’s dad seemed happy to see us, but the sister decided to completely ignore us both and the atmosphere was terrible, so much so I was looking for an open hotel to book us into as I was not going to stay here. His dad seemed to be struggling with it all and thought it would all be okay, however, last night we heard her husband berating her, and to our surprise, this morning started talking to us, firstly by saying good morning to me, then a short conversation about getting stuff from the bakery to talking to M and having normal conversations. M’s dad seems a bit more settled now, which is the most important thing as this is his home.
3 thoughts on “Northern Ireland Visit”
I’m sorry about all of this. I hope M finds peace with all this. It’s so hard to watch a loved one pass but to not be able to spend time with them is unforgivable. Add on family drama and everyone’s stressed beyond reason. I’m glad you have Jack as a cute distraction.
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He is keeping M busy demanding to play tug and I have taught him to say please within 10 minutes, much to his dads surprise.
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Heartbreaking. I am saddened by your news. Sending hope.
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