One Year On…

No daft titles here today.

A year has flown by since Lilu passed away.  It is amazing how fast that seems to have gone.  8760 hours, that have ticked away without increasing speed, but in our minds, it seems like only yesterday we said goodbye to her and watched her silently pass from this world to the next, via the doggy rainbow that we have no access to.

All around we have our memories of her, on the walls, on the many bookcases, and I even have a tee shirt that has both Lilu and Harper (at 8 weeks old) on, which I have on today.

If I did not know better I would swear that Mazikeen is a reincarnation at times of Lilu.  She has so many of the same mannerisms and the same spirit of adventure.  Even the spiral staircase in the middle of the house was no obstacle to Lilu, and Mazikeen is the same, however, Harper puts her front paws on the first step and stands there waiting for us, never daring to climb even after watching the pup fly up and indeed when she was a pup herself watching Lilu go up, slowly as her walking was not the best after her spinal stroke, but she still wanted to go up, just for a potter about.  But I know by the Buddhist cycle of reincarnation that it is not possible, as they say, saṃsāra is an endless cycle without pause or end unless liberation is achieved by insight and the extinguishing of desire.

A year on and we still miss her like mad, and now and again emotions stir, a tear is shed, but the fun times and great memories are in abundance.  So I will leave you with a photo of her in one of her favourite places, the beach.

Lilu – Posing for a photograph before launching herself into the sea

Best Friends…

As you will know, Lilu passed away on 27th September.  Even though it is just under 4 weeks since her passing, it is still quite raw.  M and I were looking at photos and videos of her the other day, both smiling and remembering the good times we had with her, and that she was such a happy little lady.  Each week gets a little bit easier, but there is always a part of each week when something makes the loss of her feel as though it has just happened, and it is hard to fight back the tears.  Last Friday when I was at the supermarket I saw a friend who works there, and it brought it all back as she was the first friend I saw after Lilu passing (Lilu passed Wednesday night, and I saw N on Friday), and she told how sorry she was and hugged me.  Seeing her in the same place just made it all so raw again.  Not that it was N’s fault, it just happened to be like going back in time.  (Hope I am making sense.)  Some friends do not understand these feelings as they say it is only a dog, but to us, she was part of our little family.  I could cope happily with the loss of my human family as I am not that close to any of them, but our dogs are our life.

One who is missing Lilu is her best mate Harper.  Harper came into our lives when she was 5 weeks old back in 2014.  We went to a little place north of Preston and the lady had two puppies left, both identical, both pop bellied beauties.  One was running about having a wild old time, and the other just sat watching the other, and came over to me sitting on the floor, plopped herself down next to me, stared at me, then waiting for a belly rub.  Needless to say, that puppy was Harper-Lee, and she came home with us that evening.  Lilu was a little “what fresh hell is this” as this tiny bundle ran about the house exploring.  Lilu got into her bed which we put in the lounge whilst we were sat there, quickly followed by Harper, who snuggled in and fell fast asleep.  From that point on they always snuggled in with each other.  Lilu would mother her, lick her clean, play, and generally show her the ropes.  For just over three years they were side by side, no matter where they were, or what they did.

Partners in Crime?  Maybe.  Best Friends?  Definitely.

Lilu & Harper
Lilu & Harper

Lilu, an update…

As you, my dear readers know, we lost our lovely girl Lilu last Wednesday. It has been a very painful week, tears have been shed, memorials made, but finally, we are able to speak about her without choking up and wanting to run the other way. Some friends and family have been really nice and supportive, some though, have been damn right dismissive with “it’s only an animal” attitude, which really angered me. We do not have kids, and never will, so our dogs are like our kids, and are our family.

Yesterday we received a sympathy card from the vets, and I collected Luli’s ashes from them which was heartbreaking in itself, but today, I woke up knowing that she was back home with us, and felt I could take the pause button off and resume life again. Don’t get me wrong, we miss her, and always will, but the shock has finally worn off. I have ordered a memorial plaque that will be here in a few days, and M also ordered a memorial piece, and we bought two beautiful frames from India that we are going to put her photos in.

This morning, M & I took Harper to the beach, a place that Lilu loved to be, but the last few years was too far a walk for her. The wind was blowing, the tide was in and pounding the shore, and although I was not walking my old four-legged friend I felt she was with us again, running in and out of the surf with Harper, enjoying herself again. Harper loved the beach and the crashing waves, and some of the things she was doing were like watching Lilu again. I finally smiled and felt a final weight lift off me.

Goodbye

Come with me and rest in my arms,
Let me guide you, let me take you.
You’re in safe hands, I won’t let go,
No need to fret, just relax for a while.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

The end of the road is close at hand,
But fear not as I am taking you on a journey.
Let me take you to the rainbow base,
So you can scamper into a pain-free land.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

One last meal, so let’s make it good,
Fast food burgers with all the trimmings,
Your sister gets one, but the chocolates just for you
Take your time and enjoy the tastes.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

Sit a while and watch the sea flow,
My loving dog with little time to go.
Come with me for our last walk together,
We can take our time, that’s how you go.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

It’s time to go, so come with me,
One last car ride my beautiful girl.
Sit on the passenger seat next to me,
I’ll take my time and talk a while.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

We walk on in and the sadness builds,
I hide it now so you’re not scared.
The lady nods with a knowing smile,
It’s time my friend, the end is nigh.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

We settle down, all four of us,
Me, you, your sister and your other Dad.
The lady leaves to give us space,
We hug and kiss you for one last time.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

The moments come, a last goodbye,
All we can do is sit and cry.
The rainbow waits to take to far,
Away from us to a doggies land.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

Now your gone and free from pain,
An empty void begins to rein.
The picture we have will not bring you back,
Or your empty bed, or your toy sack.
I’ll keep you safe as I always have.

The memories we shared,
with the love that you gave,
Will help us through this difficult stage.
The pain will fade as the memories grow,
So keep us safe as you always do.