I have no time…

… for fools and idiots. This last week has proved that to me, and I really cannot bear that people can be so shitty. The point, in fact, M’s sister (two-faced bitch) decided to start talking after her husband berated her about it, but only because of this. She has talked to me, and I have been bloody-minded and made conversation with her, forcing her into speaking to me. However, whenever M speaks to her, her first reaction is to say “what?”. She is partially deaf so she says and cannot hear people, but has no problem in understanding her husband or father, so I call bull shit on that one. Her words to M have been very few, and only when their father has been in the room. God forbid he sees the read her, not that he does not know what she is like as he fell out with her for a long time, saying he never wanted her at his funeral, and that under no circumstance does any of the family let her attend it when he dies. Now it is like nothing happened and they are so friendly it sickens me as once she goes back to LA he will have no good words about her.

M’s brother (town idiot) who lives spitting distance (3 minutes walk) away from his dad’s house where we are staying has not been seen, and the usual text excuse how he is so busy and the kids are playing up and “you know how it is” bull shit arrived within a day of us arriving. This happens every time we are here and never changes. Not that I am interested in him or his wife, quite frankly, their presence in this world offends me to the core. Many years ago they visited us in England and stayed at our home, only to start fighting with each other, and resulting in my pinning him by his throat to the wall telling him I will kick seven shades of shite out of him if he does not calm down and shut up. He realised that I meant every word and they both ended up crying in fear that I was about to go nuclear on him. He visited with M’s dad in 2017 and being an alcoholic showed his true colours again and could not go an hour without booze, which annoyed me, then he knocked over his beer on my new carpet and I could not stop my anger at him, calling him what he is and when he said he would clean it up I told him that he needed to go to bed now and get out of my way. Needless to say, he followed instructions and we did not see him until the next morning, where at 10am he opened a beer to sort him out. All in all, no love will ever be lost there.

Now, M’s dad is getting to see M’s mum every day and I am driving him to the home each day, but they still will not let M in to see his dying mother. M begged his dad to speak to the home manager as he only saw his mum 13 months ago and wanted to be able to say goodbye to her, as fitting a person who is at the end of their life. The bitch who runs the home keeps saying no, even though they have a letter saying that from Monday gone 2 visitors can see dying relatives for 40 minutes each day. She said that the letter was wrong, even though it is written by her and signed by her. So far M’s dad has done nothing what so ever, and gave the excuse that he did not want to rock the boat! What the actual fuck! All the other kids have seen her, so why is it different now? He is a spineless bastard and again I have no respect for him in not sorting this out. M is in pieces, and his dad who pays for the home is doing nothing, and stated he did not want anyone to “cause trouble”. He also said that he would not want them to take it out on his mum. Again, what that fuck? So by demanding that the immediate family see a dying woman as per end of life guidelines and regulations is going to “rock the boat”, more like “I am getting to see her and thats all that matters to me”.

All M’s nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews live around the corner too and only P and one of his daughters has made an effort to see M. Now, someone new to my blog may think “why can’t M go and see them?”, so to clear that up M is disabled and struggles walking, and if he needs the loo, none of them apart from his dad have a downstairs bathroom.

One thing that is pissing me off is that we have spent just over £300 on food and things for his dad and the others here in the house have spent about £15 collectively, and have been looking out for themselves. Now, we cannot and would not expect his dad to get groceries in for us all to eat, but it would have been nice if the rest of the house bought goods rather than eating their way through whatever they can morning noon and night. We bought his dad a new kettle as the old one was just that, old, and needed to be binned, go knows if it was safe, and M’s sister when she saw it, questioned why. We bought cleaning stuff too as the house isn’t clean at all, and god forbid that his sister cleaned anything, so M and I have cleaned everything, including the dog. The rest of the house has sat on their arses and done nothing, apart from making a mess and use the washing machine a million times a day for their own clothes. It is exasperating, to say the least. This trip has cost us just under £1,000 and has not been at all beneficial in any way, however, if M got to say goodbye to his mum, then it would have been worth it, and more.

So, homeward bound we are on Friday, and I am looking forward to seeing the dogs. I have had Jack as a distraction, who is lying at my feet as I type, and has become quite a fixture at my side, and I will miss him, but as for the rest of it, I will file it in the waste bin in my head.

One thing I wanted to do whilst I was here was read, and that has not really happened apart from a few pages of James McBride’s “Deacon King Kong” which is a great book, and I insist that all of you read it. It is part of Oprah’s Book Club and is quite funny and odd all at the same time. The reason why I have found it hard to read whilst being here is that people here are very loud, and I mean fog horn loud. No one knows how to speak in a normal tone and volume, everything seems to be shouted. M is the only one from here that is quiet. I ended up sitting in the back yard reading this afternoon, well trying, only to hear his sister chat crap loudly about her life in LA and then bash about in the kitchen sink with a cup and of course, put the washer on a spin with towels so it bounced about for another 15 minutes, all in all spoiling the peace and quiet I so longed for. Even the TV when it is on is at ear-splitting levels.

Deacon King Kong, by James McBride

So, that is it so far, expensive, loud, annoying, and frustrating!

Northern Ireland Visit

We are here again, but not on a pleasure trip. M’s mum is very ill, and it looks like she is at the end of her life. The nursing home had in the acute care team to see her and treat her, but in reality, this team is usually the end of life care team, just different words to describe them. It turns out that his mum has had a cardiac event in the past week or so, undetected by the home, water on the brain, and on top of her increased dementia and lack of eating or drinking for the past two weeks, it is only time before he will have to say goodbye to her.

One of the many problems is the home and their constant changing of the rules with regards to M, his siblings and his dad have been told they cannot see her, yet his sister could see her the other week, although through a window and having to sue PPE, which was ridiculous as the window was not open and the head said she could look through the window for 5 minutes and had a stopwatch going and after 5 minutes told her to go. This week his dad and brother were able to go into the home and sit with her for an hour. Next day, no one was allowed to go in, followed by the following day (yesterday) his dad was told he could see her for half an hour, but no one else can, and the same today, with the explicit instructions that he as to call first to arrange an appointment. M spoke to the head and was told that although he has only come from England and is within the safe-zone for travel she would not allow him to visit with his dad so he could say his goodbyes to her as she could go anytime. She knows we are staying with his dad, have had COVID-19 test and are clear, and his dad is part of our “bubble”, but no, she will not let him. I think this is really bad behaviour from the home. His brother is a painter and decorator and is in lots of peoples homes and was able to go in and see her, but M, who has not been out much at all cannot. His sister has come from LA and is also not allowed to see her, and they have both been told, not even through the window.

The woman is at the end of her life and the home have been given morphine and other things from the acute team to help her in her last days, but again, they said no, knowing that she could pass away any moment. There has not been any COVID-19 in the home or anywhere close, everyone here is clear but she keeps coming up with more excuses. The home has said things about the situation that we have checked with government guidelines and have found that they are wrong, but, due to what’s going on we have to tread carefully as they will stop all contact and that will be the end of that. It is criminal really that they are making it up as they go along.

Every one of us is sitting here waiting to find out what’s going on, but the home is keeping quiet and bullshitting us all. It has been suggested that her cardiac events that were not noted by the home could be considered negligence as they know her history as she has had three heart attacks prior to being there, also adding on to the fact they had not done anything about her not eating or drinking for close to a week.

This is Jack, he is M’s dad’s dog, a Roan Blue Cocker Spaniel. He is 7 months old and has become my shadow as I am constantly playing with him and his toys. His is very placid and playful but is mouthing quite a lot and when excited he clamps down quite hard, but all in all, he is adorable, and I would like to bring him home with us.

M and his sister do not get on, long story, and not for here as it is not my story to tell. Yesterday when we arrived M’s dad seemed happy to see us, but the sister decided to completely ignore us both and the atmosphere was terrible, so much so I was looking for an open hotel to book us into as I was not going to stay here. His dad seemed to be struggling with it all and thought it would all be okay, however, last night we heard her husband berating her, and to our surprise, this morning started talking to us, firstly by saying good morning to me, then a short conversation about getting stuff from the bakery to talking to M and having normal conversations. M’s dad seems a bit more settled now, which is the most important thing as this is his home.